What Is Planned Ignoring
Planned ignoring is a deliberate behavior management technique where you withhold attention from unwanted behaviors, particularly those driven by a child's need for attention. Unlike passive ignoring, this strategy requires active, intentional restraint and is paired simultaneously with reinforcement of desired alternative behaviors. It's rooted in Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) and works because most attention-seeking behaviors persist when they successfully capture a response, even a negative one.
When Planned Ignoring Works
This technique is most effective for attention-maintained behaviors, which make up roughly 20-30% of behavioral concerns in children ages 2-8. Common examples include whining, dramatic tantrums without injury risk, repeated questioning, interrupting, and mild aggression done for dramatic effect. It's less effective for escape-motivated behaviors (where the child wants to avoid a task) or sensory-seeking behaviors (where the stimulation itself is the reinforcer).
Planned ignoring requires consistency across all caregivers. Research shows that partial reinforcement (responding sometimes but not always) actually strengthens unwanted behaviors, so mixed implementation can backfire. Both parents, teachers, and relatives must use the same approach for it to work. Studies tracking children in ABA programs show behavioral improvement within 2-4 weeks when implemented with fidelity.
How to Implement It
- Confirm the behavior is attention-maintained: Watch whether the behavior increases when you respond and decreases when you ignore. If a child continues screaming for 15 minutes with no adult attention, the behavior is attention-maintained.
- Establish physical safety first: Ignoring only works if the child cannot harm themselves or others. If there's injury risk, this technique is inappropriate.
- Prepare your response template: Stay calm, avoid eye contact, avoid verbal correction, and redirect your attention elsewhere (to another task or another child). Your neutral face matters, not your location.
- Reinforce the opposite behavior immediately: The moment the child stops whining or communicates appropriately, provide specific praise ("You asked so nicely" or "I love how calm you're being") and brief attention. This pairing is non-negotiable for success.
- Expect an extinction burst: Behaviors often intensify before they decrease when attention is removed. A child might whine louder, longer, or with more theatrical flair. This is normal and means the technique is working. Holding firm is critical.
Connection to Sensory Processing and Emotional Regulation
Children with sensory processing differences may use attention-seeking behaviors to regulate their nervous systems. A child seeking proprioceptive input might be dramatic to provoke physical responses (scooping them up, holding them). In these cases, planned ignoring should be combined with alternative sensory outlets, like a weighted blanket or designated roughplay time. Similarly, children with delayed emotional regulation skills may need concurrent instruction in naming feelings and calming strategies, not just behavior extinction.
Common Questions
- What if my child seems genuinely distressed during a meltdown? Distinguish between emotional distress and attention-seeking drama. A child having true dysregulation needs co-regulation (calm presence, naming emotions). If they're performing for your reaction, that's different. When unsure, erring toward connection is safer than risking emotional harm from misapplied ignoring.
- How long should I ignore before the behavior changes? Typically 2-4 weeks with 100% consistency. If nothing shifts after a month, the behavior likely isn't attention-maintained, and you need a different strategy, possibly working with a behavioral analyst to identify the true function.
- Can I use planned ignoring in public? Yes, but it's harder. The child may escalate knowing more audience exists. Some parents use a neutral zone (sitting on a bench, standing quietly) rather than leaving. Consistency matters more than location, but public settings can extend the extinction burst timeline.
Related Concepts
- Extinction - The gradual decrease of a behavior when reinforcement is removed, the underlying mechanism of planned ignoring.
- Attention - The reinforcer driving many childhood behaviors, and the variable being withheld in planned ignoring.
- Differential Reinforcement - The pairing of ignoring unwanted behavior with strong reinforcement of desirable alternatives, which strengthens planned ignoring's effectiveness.